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December 26th, 2007
02:50 pm

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24-42, no thanks
Here I'll try to ascertain why dating goal-oriented women in their mid-twenties to their late thirties is a bad idea, especially if you enjoy being unemployed. Also it's a good reason to go back to school, to get around some fresh meat (emotionally as well as pink-edly)

1. They introduce conditional objectives into a relationship before week two.

No, you won't hear a dreamlike-yet-realistic request like, say, "Hey honey, maybe you should get a part-time job so you won't be burnt out at the end of the day - we can get thai once a week AND you'll have more energy and willingness to give me massages nearly every day!"...these types will instead hurl five-year plans your way, freqently focus with more matriarchal energy than romantic energy, and sometimes prohibit you from meeting their parents until you have a wanker job title. Avoid these cunts. If you are victim to being a long-term thinker/hoper in the romantic realm with unemployed ideals at your heart's center, the moment you realize you can't pencil yourself in as her family's 'eccentric' (preferably her wealthy family's eccentric, hey, why not, haha) then you're doomed.

2. They judge you faster because their biological clocks are ticking.

Slutty undergrad years. Grad school. Expensive city indie bullshit phase with job and volunteer work. None of those things leave lots of time to develop relationship skills. Not only that, but the relationship becomes an area of achievement as well, rather than a spiritual drunken fuckfest sleep-in with a lot of laughter and threesomes on mushrooms.

3. They aren't fun

Great, a girl who takes her job seriously. More often than not you won't find her wanting to get drunk on a Tuesday night on Belgian beers and then go home and give you a half-hour long blowjob just because she got reminded of you by someone she saw on a court TV show. Sometimes they'll make up for it with a "checklist of smutty sexual things to do to make you think she's wild but she's really got stone ovaries." As I've learned before and as I suspect my brothers are aware, dating a younger hotter girl > buttsex with a slightly older slightly less hot girl.

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December 20th, 2007
09:54 pm

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a song anal cunt didn't write yet
Derrick Jensen Was Raped By A Mammal


You got it in the ass when you were little
It made you hate technology and society
Yet you charge for people to hear you speak shit on civilization
Seems your dad shoulda been the Roman Empire instead

Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal

Pops assumed he had it comin'
He knew he was going to raise a pussy
He'd scream God Damn God Damn
And now you want to blow them up

Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal
Derrick Jensen was raped by a mammal

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September 26th, 2007
02:36 am

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10 things you can't express without societal fear
1. Rape is less cruel than a lion eating a baby giraffe, and therefore it's funny
2. The holocaust is ongoing and justified, and is probably funny to those carrying it out
3. The Earth is not worth saving because there are billions of other planets like it
4. Little boys who got molested by priests probably felt closer to their God with a dick in their behind than with a Bible in their hand
5. Describing war zone conditions in terms of the music on one's iPod while conducting it and the messy stains all over the place that it makes is fun and productive
6. School shootings are good because they relieve more Person-Years of misery from the planet than they create
7. Ugly people will eventually die out
8. Hating fat people for no justifiable reason is no different from hating skinny people for no justifiable reason, and that still doesn't make the former not fat!
9. Abortions and composting are rarely mentioned together, yet they should be more often. Sustainable babies.
10. Fucking your mom would be more fun if I was actually doing it.

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September 21st, 2007
03:11 am

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ever wonder if..
..every time your router "crashed" and had to be unplugged and plugged back in, whether that was an infiltration by the fuckwit central bank-worshipping they'd-microchip-your-clit-if-they-could NSA?

Fuck you agent

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September 20th, 2007
03:12 pm

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new laptop baby
Hells yes 17 inch screen for under 550 brand spanking new ACE fReeley!!

Suck it, Dell. But don't wipe the smegma off first, you filthy bastard of a company. I hope your employees dip you in acid, Michael. You deserve it. The same kind that they make the damn microprocessors with.

Otherwise I've determined a new life philosophy, and a purpose. Do what you want, all the time, because the world will end in 50 years! Fuck, I'm even going to prepare for that. Get your non-perishable food while you still can!

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September 8th, 2007
04:21 am

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if you've never...
...heard the USSR's national anthem.....it's fucking BAD ASS!

Check out Paul Robeson's version if you somehow find yourself at this page and wish to leave:

http://www.myspace.com/paulrobeson

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03:50 am

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this is for you, narcissistic yet insecure band member! (and I guess google)
mewithoutYou sucks! I'm even from Philly. Your success is undeserved. I've never been more motivated to dislike a band after ten seconds than after that drivel. I hope you all get syphillis and go deaf.

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September 5th, 2007
08:02 pm

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this is for you, google
Devendra Banhart Sucks

(1 comment | Don't leave a comment)

April 26th, 2007
03:42 am

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what I agree with fundamentalist christians about
how to win the war on terror
I agree with Fundamentalist Christians that the Islamic religion needs to be completely wiped off of the face of the planet.

Where we would disagree would be that I would extend that same manifesto right back towards the fundie Christians..who do lots of harm, but not nearly as much as Islam does.

However, the Christians have NO FUCKING CLUE how to handle Islam. Convert!?!? BWAHAHAHA! Exterminate??? That's what they're trying to do, and it's pretty cruel.

So, this is what you do:

1. Enslave 500 of the hottest North American porn stars
2. Dye their skin darker tones
3. Make them wear burqas
4. Simulate the types sex scenes that one would get while in Heaven after blowing up a Jewish PM Kindergarden schoolbus under the current flawed Islamic belief system. Include curved schimitar-shaped dildo penetrative sex. Get girls to get Crescent tattoos above their ass cracks.
5. Drop hundreds of thousands of dvd's on all the middle eastern countries. Include tons and tons of marijuana.
6. Watch as a nation of scared men learn to appreciate the Western culture
7. Pay Al-Jazeera 1 billion dollars to promote a MySpace Mid-East and a mass multiplayer roleplaying World of Warcraft type game but with a realistic setting emulating the current Palestine. Encourage the youth to continue their fighting online.
8. At this point, you can disband all branches of the U.S. Army except for the Air Force and Coast Guard. Expand the size of the Coast Guard tenfold, and give them torpedos that play Zydeco music.
9. Require that all former US military soldiers spend 400 consecutive days bowling with pink bowling balls while listening to Bon Jovi. Against their will.

I think it would work, personally.

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April 16th, 2007
09:58 pm

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You get a bullet in
You get some bloodspray out
You get a bullet in
What the fuck's all that about?

You did the Hokie pokey and you bled yourself around
Was College worth that crap?

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01:08 pm

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a passing thought to ponder
What is "grosser?"

Watching a porn made starring two animals of different species having sex with each other?

or

Watching a porn made starring an animal and a person having sex with each other?


This question allows you to cease your inner dialogue and enter a meditative state, if asked to oneself in the correct manner.

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April 12th, 2007
10:18 pm

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holyfuckingshit2007!?
Okay so it's been a while, Ms. Journal.

Raw Food Diet Trial = Never did I ever suppose that soaking nuts and grinding them up in a food processor would be so ridiculously delicious!

RAW Dying = A ridiculous life, an amazing soul, Robert Anton Wilson will be missed. But I nearly perished after attending his Meme-orial; only to be saved from the cold and from Mexican gangs by the wonderful power of Eris and Synchronous!

DNA Testing = My father used to not think I was his. DNA tests are still awaiting results...but it was able to afford a hilarious April Fools' Joke!

Job to Unemployment = Working for obese lesbians had its ups and downs. Every tweaker (there is no such thing as a former tweaker unless you are in jail or are dead yourself) that I've met has been a scourge, and working with one is hazardous to one's health. CUT ANYONE OFF WHO USES METH! Unemployment is ridiculously amazing as usual, but it will only continue until August. Sigh, three more months off.

Money cycle = I recommend anyone reading this get out of debt, learn to live rent-free however you need to (fuck your way to it, live in a van, live in a tent, live with a parent, live on a couch, become an apartment manager, live in a shed, build a structure on public property, squat, hide, be homeless, get a 24 hour gym membership, whichever fucking dirty answer you have) Learn to work to save 10 grand up and then spend the 10 grand down to nothing, and repeat. Ideally you work during the shitty weather (and eat rice and beans - 4 months at most, which feel like 2 because you're so busy working) and then party during the non-shitty weather (8 months which feel like 24!!!) 10 grand to 0 is easy to do, 0 to 10 grand isn't tough if your IQ is at least 110 and you aren't addicted to alcohol and know how to cheat drug tests.

Enneagram = Having a 4 style is somewhat melodramatic. Make sure if you are also a 4 that you don't spend too much time updating your journal. Chances are nobody gives a shit and you're just wasting time that could be spent internalizing your feelings and reframing your experiences!

Veganism = The shit. Involve yourself in compassion and asceticism directly.

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December 11th, 2006
05:27 pm

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why mooching is better than contributing for some
Whether suckling upon papilla mammae as a babe (or a late-teen whilst in the Barneymobile parked somewhere familiar within my particular part of formless semi-patrolled suburban subdivisions), or double-whether I summon the memory of watching as my boring assigned book reports were read and illustrated for me...it was very very simple to conclude at an early age when opinions are the purest and when self-doubt was a viable survival mechanism...

Mooching has value. And it's beautiful. Ask yeast. Ask aphids. Ask mites. Ask remoras. Orchids? Yup! Ask poor kids in rich suburbs!!!!! It's possible to mooch without being a drain. It's even possible to mooch off the dead. Hermit crabs, coroners, inheritors the world over, drivers of the interstate system....

Who better to appreciate what the haves have than the well-versed have-nots? What does it even mean to "have" something? Really one just uses something until they are no longer able to or no longer willing to.

Fetuses even? Oh yes. Big time moochers.

The question is how to be a mooch without being a parasite. It's a delicate balance that so many flirt with and lose.

I say, let it all hang out, and be profusely grateful, and leave people tidier than you found them. Unless it's a disheveled sex partner we're discussing here, then just leave them stickier than you found them.

Current Location: pa?!
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: the sound of grandparents talking

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November 23rd, 2006
03:25 pm

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quota of quotes?
"Play is the source of development." -Lev Vygotsky

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November 22nd, 2006
01:15 pm

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from wikihow, on "making friends"
* A MySpace account will help too but be careful of who you add. It's best not to add any scene kids and try not to be too chummy with the gangster group, they are bad. MySpace is not all "rogues", there are some very nice people that will want to be your friend.

That sounds like my mum!

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November 17th, 2006
01:40 pm

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image for the day
Imagine a suicidal hemophiliac teenage girl cutting her fingers off and using them to masturbate to a final orgasm as the blood-clotting fails to take place and non-period blood graces her vulva as she passes out in red-wet and in ecstasy.

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November 15th, 2006
07:52 am

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similes of the life
Now, while work has wages half that of the mid-range cheesesteak hamlet within the military industrial complex's east coast megalopolis area...arriving at 11 and leaving at 4 has its appeal, not to mention the inherent *difficulty* of the job.

However, the work is passionless and feeds a lazy moviewatching rain-adjusting adultalescent with antipassionmatter.

God damn 23s don't stop, nor do quarters.

Finally a semi-hot girl cut her damn head open on my dangerous ceiling. This post-Halloween pre-Thanksgiving era has to have something going right for itself.

I wigged out of doing a project musically with Marty, feel stupid about that decision, need to improve in that area, for the simple fact that hobbies are nice if they can engender some frickin zeal.

Basically there's a countdown to the three weeks holiday in December - visiting with my grandparents, and an intensive three-week planning stage for 2007.

2007: from jealous to zealous.

Before I leave for PA: must get list of useful presents for the birthday/christmas unstoppable combo, must do some financial planning and goal-setting for that year, and must fix the goddamn leak in the van!

Taking it easy feels quite nice...this lifestyle with 50K a year would be siiiiiiiiiick.

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November 8th, 2006
04:03 am

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hello to the quarter diet
Suppose one had a one cup serving of oatmeal for breakfast, a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich for lunch and a one cup serving of rice, a one cup serving of beans and a one ounce slice of sourdough bread for dinner every day for a year. What would their food for the year cost them? Answer: 24 cents per day or $87.60 per year.

More soon...

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September 24th, 2006
11:17 am

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sicklic months
Somehow I feel I lost my ability to relate by the written word within the past several weeks. It could be a combination of not having anything tremendously interesting to talk about...

DOT DOT MOTHERFUCKING DOT...

But I don't necessarily feel that that's the case. It's something about Portland Oregon which seems to lower peoples' desire to do anything outside of Drink Smoke Fuck and Toke. Two and Four might be the same category depending on your poison preference.

Ethyl alcohol actually looks like a dog if you were to draw the molecule three-dimensionally. Speaking of which, I barked last night quite a bit...and (not to be sexist but the) bitchpops drank...it's an amazing term and it's Red Fucking Zima with more High Fructose Corn Syrup than Fruity Pebbles in Strawberry Milk...well anyway the grass behind the couch on my buddy Martin's porch has a rouge tinge to it now...

Moving to a new place requires a certain amount of detatchment from the original place...or so I've noticed. For a place to become a new paradigm must take YEARS; northern Delaware was similar enough to Philadelphia that there was no real need to do that (ooh look, the traffic lights hang off of a cord, wow check it out, there's no tax, holy fucking shit, this part of I-95 has more lanes than I do previous lives...)

Invention idea of the week: Non-toxic silly string filled with catnip...

TV is FUCKED UP! TURN THAT SHIT OFF!

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September 22nd, 2006
02:12 am

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employment...
Working for an internet stuff-selling company. 20 hours approx. a week.

Covers all living costs.

Boredom sets in....

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